anne_nahm ([info]anne_nahm) wrote,
@ 2008-05-06 08:19:00
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Taking Nipples for the Team
I met up with my somewhat defunct church group last night. One of my friends who is my age is pregnant for the first time. She was all cute and naive, like most pregnant women when they want to talk to their friends about all things baby. Also, she has a super cute baby bump. Also? She is tall and skinny.


I remember being pregnant for the first time, and asking people things about baby birthing and raising, and expecting polite and gentle answers from these women sharing the bonds of motherhood with me.

And then sobbing, face down, into my three chins and heaving belly when they told me stories of unimaginable horror and grisliness until I wanted to reach down and cover my vaginal opening so that my poor innocent baby would not have a chance hear of the terrors about to befall us both.

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[info]breakableheart
2008-05-06 04:24 pm UTC (link)
I made the same vow because HOLY SHIT people love to tell horror stories to pregnant women. What is that? Why do I think someone has any interest in hearing about my horrific birth experience any more than they want to hear about a horrific bowel movement?

"Oh, after you eat this fondu? Your poo will be completely solid. Seriously. I strained for two hours. Didn't I strain for two hours, honey?"

"It was more like 1 hour 45 minutes."

"It was two hours. You weren't experiencing it what do you know. Men, what do they know about pooping?"

Yeah, no.

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[info]etinterrapax
2008-05-06 04:44 pm UTC (link)
Heh. Yeah, that impulse to screw with people is almost irresistible. Fortunately, I didn't have a horror birth unless that's how you classify a go-nowhere induced labor followed by a C-section with a completely uneventful recovery. Some people would, though. I'll work on horrifying those people. I kind of enjoy it. An uneventful surgery resulting in a perfectly healthy baby and no nursing problems? No nipple confusion even though I switched from nursing to bottle when convenient? Who would have thought western medicine had it in her!

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[info]neanahe
2008-05-06 06:44 pm UTC (link)
...I've done it, but I always smile sweetly and say, "Oh, but that probably won't happen to you. Everyone is different."

It's every bit as effective as when a judge tells a jury to "disregard the testimony you just heard."

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[info]javahound
2008-05-09 11:12 pm UTC (link)
Oh this made me chuckle, thank you. :)

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